AGONY AUNT – Making Love to My Wife is Getting Boring

Agony Aunt with Mrs Justina Law

Agony Aunt: Mrs Justina Law

Making love to my wife is getting boring!
This is a serious matter and I am writing this with a heavy heart. Making love to my wife is no more interesting. This is an issue that is very common amongst my circle of friends and they have girlfriends who satisfy them when their wives aren’t doing the job right. After three kids, she is getting very boring in bed and it is really bothering me because I believe so much in the sanctity of marriage and cheating is just something I really don’t want to do. Please I sincerely need your assistance because am really desperate.
– Collins

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Mrs Justina Law Says: This is a situation that is very rampant amongst families. First of all let me even commend you for still having morals and trying not to tear your family apart by having extra marital affairs. I have come across people going through the same stuff as yourself. It is not rocket science to think that marriage will lose its flavour over time – but first of all, ask yourself, is your wife someone that has been a sexual adventurous woman? If you married someone who isn’t really sexually adventurous, then this may pose a challenge. You really need to discuss this issue with her, sit her down and talk about this situation and am sure if she is truly in love with you and want this marriage to last, then she would co-operate within reason. Let us be factual here, the deed done in the bedroom is part of the grease that oils the wheel of marriage. Here are some suggestions:

  • Personally, I would say rent a x-rated movie, watch it with her and learn some fresh moves. Show her what you would like her to do for you and then learn some moves yourself and dispose of the film when the learning is complete because we don’t want you hooked to watching it.
  • Doing some roleplays as well helps out (you know dressing up in the bedroom)
  • Taking baths together, giving each other massages with soothing oils
  • Taking her out on dates

I would also like to add this: help her around the house; compliment her; buy her gifts even when its not her birthday because, to tell you the truth, most women are just tired from doing so much that after the whole day she is just tired, and most ladies when they are happy and relaxed, the men will receive the dividends in the bedroom. Try all that and see if it works. Remember if all fails, consult a professional like a Sex therapist.

My friend wants to get rid of a 6-month pregnancy
Please my friend wants to terminate a 6-month old pregnancy because it is her second out of wedlock. The father of the child has run away and she has promised never to have another child except in marriage. Her mother is currently helping her look after the first child and her mother will definitely not help her with this one. Everybody has tried to convince her to give the child up for adoption after the birth, but she has refused, and is bent on getting rid of the child. Help me out.
– Olufunmi

Mrs Justina Law Says: Thank you so much for showing some love towards your friend and for caring. Getting rid of a six-month-old pregnancy, is she crazy? Why had she left it so late? Oh ma goodness! What’s wrong with her? That child should be left alone to come into this world, especially in a country where bringing up a child alone isn’t as hard. I understand what she is going through but she really needs to think about her actions. Although she may be emotionally unstable, she shouldn’t make long term decisions now. I truly understand where she is coming from because having a child out of wedlock is truly difficult and imagine having a second one, it’s difficult. Your friend really needs to think about her health as well in this situation. I know when you are desperate you just don’t care what you do, but with this it could have lasting effects that could affect her child bearing in the future. She also needs to think about how emotionally distraught she would be after the abortion. Ladies I have known that had aborted a child at some point in their lives have always mentioned how emotionally damaged they were after the deed. And I know advising people especially Africans to deliver a baby and give it up is always very hard; it isn’t really something we do. She also needs to consider the fact that there are millions of women worldwide that are looking to have children but they can’t. Having a baby is not really a right; it’s a privileged and one we should be grateful for. I also hope she doesn’t think that just because she has two kids from different fathers or out of wedlock, she won’t get a good man to marry her. Although it may be tough, there are men out there who will definitely marry her. However, the decision is still ultimately hers and all her friends and family really need to support her regardless of whatever decision she makes. All I know is that the good Lord that gave her the baby always has provisions made ahead of the birth.

Marrying a woman five years older than myself
I met this woman and the first time I saw her, she blew my mind away. She is the epitome of beauty and she had the wow factor from the start, even though she has two kids, own and her own house and is very independent. When I finally spoke to her and we clicked, I just fell in love with her even more because she is a kind-hearted, tender person and she is so clever – let’s just say she is my idea of a virtuous woman. But the problem I have is that she is five-years older than I am. And knowing the country I am from sometimes that is seriously frowned upon. I love her so much, however, I do not want to be blinded by love, and that is why I have written to you for advice.
– Ezzy

Mrs Justina Law Says: How are you doing? Don’t worry Ezzy, I will hit you with the facts. I like the way you are keeping things real, it’s so important not to be blinded by love and to speak to someone who will see things from the outside. Let me just say it like it is:
– You really need to be careful Ezzy, even though I know you are in love but are you mature enough to handle this woman. I don’t know your age but are you emotionally and psychologically able to handle her? I commend you for even coming to her life and taking on the responsibility of being a father figure to her kids. Whether they see their father is in their life or not – you are now a father figure.
– Look five years down the line, when she starts losing her looks, will you stick around then? When your friend tease you about it how do you feel? When you see younger women, do you lust after them? This woman is a human being too and deserves the love and respect that she is due. So if you are just in for the short ride, then don’t even bother starting something you can’t finish.
– How does your family feel about her? I know you will say it has nothing to do with them, but sincerely it has a lot to do with them. I sincerely believe that when family members especially mothers do not approve of our partners, it puts an extra strain on the relationship. Also consider this, is she still of child bearing age because I am sure you want children. People say love is enough, but in a situation like this, love just isn’t enough.